After that arousing goodbye kiss, I still decided to go home instead of following him to his place. For after all, he was still a stranger to me. A really hot stranger with a sexy bad boy vibe. Like Damon Salvatore’s vibe from Vampire Diaries. When I got home, I kept smiling and thinking about it. I had a great time and it was also a boost for my ego that he was flirting with me. Back then, I didn’t have much confidence and I didn’t thought I was attractive enough for guys to notice me (I sound so shallow right now). So this was also my first experience of flirting.
I sent him a text the morning after with an inside joke we made the night before and so we started texting a lot. The text messages got really dirty soon, and one night after he sent me a text to ask me if I was in Ghent too and after a little flirty dirty texts soon afterwards, I popped up the question and also let him know that I was a virgin. It went something like this:
me: “BTW, I’ve read somewhere that sex helps you fall asleep during a heat wave and I can’t sleep at the moment 😮”
Him: “Come over then, I’ll help you fall asleep”
Me: “But you don’t mind doing it with virgin? A virgin that’s really tired of being a virgin because she’s horny all the time :p”
Him: “I don’t mind, especially when I’m helping someone out with sex :p”
And so the texts kept going on like this. I was still hesitating about it, because it’s my first time and I didn’t really knew that much about him. But I also like the way he’s so casual about it and I thought he’d be the right fit to have my first time with. Because I really didn’t want a relationship and neither does he. We both wanted to be free. And I really wanted to be SET free. So after he got back from Spain, we decided to meet up to make it happen. Well… After me having a monologue with myself first and still hesitating about it like: “Ok, let’s do it!” and then “Wait, maybe this isn’t such a good idea…” and “But I really want to have sex!” and “But what if he can’t be trusted and has some kind of hidden camera in his room?” and then to “Screw it, let’s do it!“.
So I got on the first train to where he lived, with my heart beating like I just ran a marathon. I was constantly checking my breath and checking my legs to see if they were smoothly shaven or not. When I almost got there, I sent him a text that I’ll be there in 15 minutes. I think he was eager to take my virginity too, because exactly one minute after those 15 minutes were passed, he sent me a text: “Did you get lost? Do you need me to come and get you? Where are you?“. I think that was his dick texting me. Well, boys will be boys!
I finally got there and his door was already open. I rang the bell first just to be polite. I saw his cat peeping in the hallway and there he was… I stepped into his house and he led me to his living room and offered me a drink. We were standing in front of each other, silent and smiling. And then he said: “I do think this is a little odd… But if you want it, I can give it to you“, and then he gave me his naughty smile again. I was really nervous and I wasn’t able to get any word out of my mouth, so he started talking again. “Such a beautiful girl… So weird that you still have no one.“. I started to feel really warm inside. I think I was blushing at that moment. “My room is upstairs“, he continued, “But you can still change your mind.“. And then I said: “No, I really want this. And I want to do this with you, since we’re both not looking for a relationship“. He smiled and said: “Fine then, let’s go upstairs.“.
We went upstairs and sat on his bed for a while. He sensed that I was nervous and started talking first to put me at ease. After a few minutes of talking, he started to strip his shirt off, so I followed his example and started to strip my clothes off too. I heard him saying “My, you have a beautiful body!” and it boosted my confidence. I went back on the bed on my knees, and sat in front of him and we started kissing. He moaned while we were kissing and he started to caress my body with his hands and grabbing my breasts. I told him that he could told me what to do, because I’m new at this and he said that I didn’t have to do anything and gave me a light push so that I fell down and he could lie on top of me. He started to kiss my lips slowly and went down to my neck. From my neck he worked his way down to my breasts and from there he slowly kissed his way to my vagina. He started licking my underwear and my breathing started to get faster and faster. He continued by stripping my panties off and licking and fingering me. It was the best feeling ever! My lips were tingling while he did that and I started moaning of pleasure. Then, he stopped and put his condom on. And then the fear came. A lot of people told me that it was a painful experience. He saw my facial expression and said “It’s not too late to change your mind, I don’t want to hurt you“. “Just do it“, I said and he slowly pushed himself in me. At first, I felt a really deep pain inside of me and I wanted him to stop. But instead of telling him to stop, I started to relax myself and began to enjoy it. He started to fasten the pace and so was my breathing. “Are you sure you’re still a virgin?”, he asked me with that typical smile of him again. I started smiling too and kissed him on his lips and grabbed his hair. He was getting wilder and wilder and grabbed my hair… And then he came. He kissed me on my lips and both sides of my shoulders and looked me in the eye with a nod like he was saying “We did it! And it was surprisingly good!“. He took off the condom and that’s the first time I looked up to his penis. I’ve never seen a penis in real life before and I was like “Oh, hello there! Big fan! You look better than those porn penises I’ve seen.“. Clearly, I didn’t say that out loud. That would’ve been weird. Oh and also, the cat was watching us this whole time… That little perv… He took a towel and wiped the blood off of my vagina and his penis. I thought you’d bleed just a little bit, but that was a lot of blood! And I also kept bleeding for 4 days… While girls told me “You’ll bleed just a little bit“, as in: one small drop of blood and then it’s done. They lied.
I got off the bed to put my clothes back on, and my knees were shaking. But in a good way.
After a few minutes of chilling together afterwards and talking, we heard the bell ringing. It was my best friend, the girlfriend of the brother of the guy who just took my virginity (you still following?). Well, ofcourse she knew about it, because I’ve texted her that morning that I’d do it. And we glanced at each other and started giggling. And then her boyfriend came home and it started to get awkward. He knew about it too, because my friend told him about it. He stepped into the living room where we were sitting and said “CONGRATULATIONS!”. My friend started laughing and PJ and I looked at each other with a scared expression on our faces. And then the boyfriend started to make subtle sexual jokes in the style of “I was at work and had to unload the truck. So I did that and had to do a few trips too. So I was getting in and out of the door over and over again. And I’ve made a huge mess afterwards so I had to clean up afterwards too.” and it was getting more awkward by the minute. I started to panic a little and didn’t know what to do. So I just sat there… quietly. You know that feeling of fear, where you’re so scared you can’t move? Well, I was experiencing that fear at that moment. Until the moment I’ve found my courage and stood up and said slowly “I… think I’m gonna head home now…“. PJ stood up too to lead me outside and I just waved him goodbye. Uuuugh! Why did I wave?? What am I, twelve?! Should’ve been a bad kitty and kissed him on his lips with a little biting too. But noooooo, I decided to be awkward and just… wave. Like, you just had your virginity taken and then you wave like a little girl “byeeee“.
Clearly I still had a lot of learning to do… But thinking about this whole experience made me smile while typing this. It’s like I’m reliving the whole experience again, without the awkwardness. Some girls say that your first time should be with a special someone, because that moment needs to be special. But for me, this was a special moment. He was gentle and he was sweet. We were both on the same level about not wanting a relationship and we were both attracted to each other. And it was really good for my first time too and not too painful. How many girls can say that? Every time I think about my first time or about him, I smile.
After that, we haven’t talked for months… Until my favorite time of the year came: Christmas time!
*TO BE CONTINUED*
P.S.: after writing this, I cleaned my room and stumbled on a Christmas song I’ve rewritten for him. I’ll include that in part III 😉
3 years later and looking back at this story, I still smile while reading this all over again. Still no regrets (I thought I would regret this decision at first)! Best non-cliché decision I’ve ever made to lose my virginity. It could’ve been with a dick boyfriend who was really bad in bed. But this… This was really awesome and the sex was really good and not so painful. So awesome, that it’s the highlight of my year in 2015!